Spooktacular 2019: A Harrowing Conclusion to Inspector Clattershanks’ Clues of the Dead!


As I climbed the tower of Life’s Ebb to the very top and entered the landing, I could feel the air grow thick with the sluggish passage of time. Time? In the Underworld? Am I so far from mortality that moments have come to pass in this manner, always? Though the Life’s Ebb is a clocktower of sorts, no… Something is wrong here! This mystery thickens.


What’s this monstrosity! A banging against the floor — or is it the walls?! Rushing to the opposite end of the steeple – do mine eyes deceive me! Scoundrel! Miscreant! It cannot be!

Grist me! Relic Ravlatch… what thaumaturge conceived of this sorcery? He is claxed in some sort of chrono-mantic dualism! Two halves of a whole, two Relics in one time… I see one hoary version, a bludge seeped in the blue essence of etherea, a worn-down shadow of the Relic Ravlatch that I am most accustomed to. Beside him, a purple-poisoned necromank glimmer of the orthodox knight I once knew… oh what madness is this! A touch too much of the fireblack water? Nay.. I’ve had no fireblack water! It must be so… the purple hue so characteristic of a dreadsgripped mourner glows about this greengerly feck, this clawfaced rendition of a half-claxed Relic Ravlatch! Has he been ginved? He stands as though frozen in time! How fitting for time to play such tricks here at Life’s Ebb. And yet, I don’t understand this enchantment.

Alltaker! This obscurity requires your most adept aid… Relic Ravlatch needs you!

Oh, we’re quite prisstampt now… Thank goodness it is me who’s found this scene! Such an occurrence needs the Alltaker, and, of course, his right hand sleuth – for who else could solve such a conundrum! Why, only a pair such as us, yes — indeed… And the Relics, what to make of them? The clues… think of the clues! Relic Ravlatch is trapped in time, split quite literally into two halves of one whole? And Gallevarbe, could she be responsible for this mystery? It was her who warned me of Relic’s strange behavior! No… it couldn’t be. Why would the vaelstrode confront me of this matter if it was her who was responsible! Yes… thank the Alltaker for my superior sleuthing skills…

Perhaps if I approach the Relics… yes. Maybe they can be somehow… if I touch one… the purple one? No… I can’t risk awakening the frozen dreadsgrip… the ethereal Relic, of course! I’ll just… see what happens if I… poke him here in his belly? Yes…

Grist! Puk me!

Awakening, a pained look greased across his face, Relic’s mouth opened, his jaw unfastening from his face, his eyes gaping, moving away from his body, a sickly, dripping liquid oozing from the creases of his joints… I can hardly stand this grotesque appearance! He is slithering out of his own body… RaahAhaaaaa! Alltaker!!

What’s happened? Alltaker, you’re here? Relic Ravlatch… you’re normal again? What has happened?

Clattershanks, you have now seen the parasitic nature of the dreadsgrip, and how it works against us all. Relic Ravlatch has suffered at its hands, forced into a maddening split of his two selves: that which suffers, called to a darker nature, and that which fights to preserve his own humanity, the virtue that exists within us all. The dreadsgrip is a catalyst, and it used Relic to commit a heinous act. – Alltaker

Do you mean to say that the dreadsgrip invaded Relic Ravlatch’s body and used it to send another mourner on the longtryp?! So it was Relic Ravlatch! And this! What is this here, is this Boneshadow? It’s mung, a scent so foul that I have not come across in millenia.

Yes… the dreadsgrip created a chiasmus, driving one half of Relic into a madness. It would appear he used Kier’s Boneshadow to attack that poor, lost mourner here in Life’s Ebb. The iniquitous act allowed the dreadsgrip to manipulate the energy that surrounds this edifice, trapping Relic’s ethereal half in this space. We won’t know what sort of effect the exploit has had upon Relic until he wakes… for now, his dreadsgripped side has been shackled to his body, and Relic will have to remain vigilant against it in the future, lest it rise again. He must remain engrossed in his role as a knight, for this is what will preserve his character. Relic’s true nature, his ethereal self, will protect him. We must all remain focused on the rebellion, and that which will lead our Kingdom to success, should we wish to Rise, Conquer, and RULE.

Thank you, Alltaker! The dreadsgrip lives and breathes far too steadily in the Underworld… we will continue to fight against it! As the Inspector of this city, I take it upon myself to stave off all future iniquitous crimes of the dreadsgrip and track down any and all who threaten our precarious existence!